Aged Care

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PERKS OF BEING OVER 50


1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run - anywhere.

4. People call at 9 pm and ask, " Did I wake you?"

5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now won't wear out.

8. You can eat dinner at 4 pm.

9. You can live without sex but not your glasses.

10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

12. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

13. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

14. You sing along with elevator music.

15. Your eyes won't get much worse.

16. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay
off

17. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national
weather service.


18. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember
them either.


19. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


20. You can't remember how you reached this list.

And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience!

Jesus Loves Me

Jesus loves me, this I know,
Though my hair is white as snow.
Though my sight is growing dim,
Still He bids me trust in Him.

(CHORUS)
YES, JESUS LOVES ME... YES, JESUS LOVES ME...
YES. JESUS LOVES ME, THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

Though my steps are oh, so slow,
With my hand in His I'll go.
On through life, let come what may,
He'll be there to lead the way.

(CHORUS)

Though I am no longer young,
I have much which He's begun.
Let me serve Christ with a smile,
Go with others the extra mile.

(CHORUS)

When the nights are dark and long,
In my heart He puts a song.
Telling me in words so clear,
"Have no fear, for I am near."

(CHORUS)

When my work on earth is done,
And life's victories have been won.
He will take me home above,
Then I'll understand his love.

(CHORUS)

I love Jesus, does he know?
Have I ever told Him so?
Jesus loves to hear me say,
That I love him every day.

(CHORUS)

Author Unknown

When I'm an Old Lady

Dedicated to my two sons, Joey and Jason,
who think I'm an old lady now!)

When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid,
And bring so much happiness, just as they did.
I want to pay back all the joy they've provided.
Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll write on the wall with reds, whites and blues,
And I'll bounce on the furniture, wearing my shoes.
I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out.
I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they're on the phone and just out of reach,
I'll get into things like sugar and bleach.
Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head,
And when that is done, I'll hide under the bed!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

When they cook dinner and call me to eat,
I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat,
I'll gag on my cabbage, spill milk on the table,
And when they get angry. I'll run, if I'm able!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click.
I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick.
I'll take off my socks and throw one away,
And play in the mud till the end of the day!
(When I'm an old lady and live with my kids)

And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh,
I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes.
My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping,
And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"

--Selected from Mikey's Funnies: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com

On the other Side

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the
examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what
lies on the other side."

Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know."

"You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other
side?"

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side of
which came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door,
a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of
gladness. Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my
dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was
inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the
door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the
other side of death, but I do know one thing...I know my Master is there
and that is enough."

Author Unknown

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